My Favorite Christmas Song.

Relient K – I Celebrate the Day

Jesus didn’t complain while he died for you, so stop complaining as you live for Him.

In my opinion,

there is nothing encouraging about reading how Christians are busy, overworked, under appreciated, stressed, etc. …especially if it involves ministry. It doesn’t encourage me.

The argument seems to be that it’s being real, it’s saying that Christians are relateable and struggle as well.

But I disagree.

There’s that verse in Philippians about doing things without complaining so that we will shine like stars.

To be fair, I understand that I have a very harsh, no-nonsense view of faith. Either Jesus gets you through or he doesn’t. and if he does, you don’t complain about it. People don’t need to know what we’re going through to know who is bringing us through it, and this is a common misconception these days. Because of these social networking platforms, we assume that everybody needs to know every specific detail of our lives. We oversaturate people with what we are doing, how we are feeling, where we are going… and doing so eclipses the work of God in our lives.

Suddenly, we are becoming all about ourselves and what we are doing for God.We get caught up in the busyness of ministry and turn it into a checklist: “Today I…” “Today I have to…”

and the reality of it, regardless of how this can be excused or justify,

is that we are called to be humble servants.

We are called to do the work of the Lord with no complaining and no recognition. Look at the world today: see how it so easily overlooks the gentle hands of a quiet Savior. He came to set an example for us and we wrote a lullaby for him that starts with the word silent. He came with no fanfare. He grew with no fanfare. He lived with no fanfare, and then he died with no fanfare.

He calls us to daily take up our crosses and follow him. Except he did so quietly. Are we to be the people behind our silent Savior, who is carrying a cross for us, whining loudly or updating our twitter about the agony we are in?

Come on.

What do you think? As Christians, as non-Christians, or anybody in between?

An open letter to the boy who thinks a girl will save him.

Dear boy,

I am too nervous to bring this up to you privately because I am worried you will mistake my concern for jealousy or territorial girl crazy.

Lately I’ve been noticing a lot of flirtation. Between you and girls. Girl, maybe. It came out of nowhere and it’s apparent in all social networking platforms we share. I’m sure there is some other form of communication happening between the two of you in a more private venue, but still…

You are fragile. Boys are supposed to be all tough and put together and strong.. but your poor little heart has been through hell and back, and it’s on the mend. It needs time. It needs to heal.

Right now, you don’t need a girl. You don’t need a girl to make you feel important and you surely don’t need a girl to save you from whatever pain still lingers around in your life. Girls like to save boys. They like to find a boy who has been wronged and is a bit jaded and closed off and reserved, because they want to be THAT GIRL. They want to be the girl that changes everything.

Except most girls don’t understand that while your trust or loyalty or affection might come slow, it will come strongly.. perhaps even overwhelmingly so, because you have finally found someone who you think will save you. Not all girls are like this, but generally the ones who see you as someone needing to be saved are.

Don’t accept shallow flirtation. You are better than that, and you deserve more. One of the most beautiful things you can do for that girl you have not yet found (or realized) is to keep strong boundaries between you and people who are not Her potential. You can’t erase your past loves and devastations, but you can slowly build a new foundation, built on a serious, intentional friendship with clear expectations and potential.

She will not save you. Jeff Buckley once sang,

Don’t fool yourself, she was heartache from the moment that you met her.
My heart is frozen still as I try to find the will to forget her somehow… I think I’ve forgotten her now.

Watch your heart. It takes longer to repair than you think it does.

Love,

Christmas cards?

At Christmas time, my mom does the strangest thing. She signs up for lists, and she exchanges addresses and she sends and receives tons of Christmas cards. Which in itself is only slightly weird (more on that in a second) but the strangest part is that she doesn’t know any of these people. She just gets random Christmas cards from random strangers.

I’ve already gotten a few text/messages/e-mails asking for my address to send me a Christmas card. and I’ve yet to respond to a single one, and here is why:

What’s the purpose of sending a Christmas card?

I rarely, if ever, receive a Christmas card with any sort of purpose. by that, I mean that usually I get a picture of some Christmas/holiday related icon, a funny caption or Bible verse, and then “Merry Christmas!” or “Happy Holidays!” with the person’s name signed at the bottom. No messages. No personal stories. nothing. Just a generic thing.

Does it really make you happy when you get a Christmas card? Not just mail, but a Christmas card? To me, it’s the equivalent of receiving those free guilt trip return address labels from charities trying to get your money. It’s a tiny bit personal, but mostly not.

So I’ll pass on the Christmas cards, but if you want to PayPal me the 44 cents you’re saving for a stamp, I’d definitely be happy. It adds up, you know.

…aren’t I just full of holiday cheer!

Why I never update, by Stephanie Orefice.

Lately I’ve been getting really frustrated, because I love to blog. However, I’ve not been blogging very much. Here are the main reasons why.

#1. I love including pictures with my blogs. Preferably ones I have taken that go along with whatever is being written about. Unfortunately I have outgrown my camera.. and as a result, have stopped taking pictures. Just in time for Emily and I to start up 365 on January 1st, so that’s good……….

#2. WordPress vs blogger. I do love WordPress. I especially love being able to see what people searched for when they stumbled upon my blog. But I hate that there is no “followers” feature; no option to see who is interested in my blog or reads it consistently. Bloggers also are easier to customize or add things to. I feel very stifled by the lack of options on the free wordpress themes. I’ve tried to use wordpress.org, but found it so confusing and wasn’t sure who could help me!

#3. Lack of anything important to say. There are blogs I want to write, about instructions after death, the socks I got yesterday, all of my music t-shirts, my new fascination with the X-Files.. but they all seem boring. The last thing I want to do is write boring, self indulgent blogs (like this one?).
This will start to change, though. After…. forever…. without a laptop, my mom decided to get me one for Christmas. For some reason people assume I am all hip on technology… but me and my ipod mini disagree. Until then I feel very in limbo.. not wanting to load pictures onto a computer I won’t be using soon, feeling very restless until I have the freedom to write sitting on my couch or toilet..

But for now, I must go. It is Festival of Lights season at the Grotto and it’s night 2.

100th Episode!!

Tonight is the 100th Episode of Criminal Minds. The previews look amazing and I am so excited. Is it 9 pm yet?

Any other Criminal Minds fans willing to geek out about it with me? Anybody?

Boys drool.

I know, I know.. what are we.. five?

Moving on.

I am a chronic crusher. There is always a boy I dream of marrying and sometimes laying in bed before I go to sleep, I whisper my first name with his last and see if it sounds good. This is always changing. Rarely is it the same person between seasons, perhaps even months. It’s never serious (though it might come across as crazy: obsessional: demented: addicted) and usually is just something to think about when I run out of thoughts. My friend Shane doesn’t believe you can think about nothing, but I really do.

So. This crush thing, I am used to. You know what else I am used to? I am used to logic. There have been times when I have met someone, connected with them, and then one day (when I ran out of thoughts!) started to logically work through if we could ever get married or not. This game is fun. I’m a logical person and I like things like this: “You make me laugh and you laugh at my jokes. You don’t like crappy music, you are semi-musical, you love God more than anything…. this could work,” (by the way, I just described AT LEAST three boys I know, without putting much thought into it).

That is how I one day hope to stumble upon the person I will marry. Logic. In fact, if there was an equation with real life variables and stuff, and then… 4(xy+7)+ 12(s-6) = tl4e!! (thats true love forever, ps) then I would be oh so happy. No messy emotions or games or insecurity or any of that crap. Just logic.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way. And despite how much I hate emotions……..

there is a person that logically, does not work for me. I’m not going into details because who cares, really. The equation doesn’t work. Maybe in the future? But right now, no. That, for me, is usually peace out time. Insert a great friendship that is lots of fun and without any sort of weirdness or awkwardness because the equation doesn’t work anyway.

No no. That is not what’s going on in my head/heart? Poor little heart of mine, I hope it is just my head.

Really it’s stupid. The whole situation. Not the person. The person is fantastic (obviously). But somehow my emotions sneaked in before the evaluation of the equation could take place. So now I am stuck FEELING things, which is awful.

Last year after my heart got smashed, Ernie told me that I never let my guard down. I argued (Bee once told me I am always being difficult, which is true) that I did – and do – let my guard down. He said that I THINK I have, but really I haven’t. So after a year of evaluating the situation, I’ve come to agree with Ernie.

Right before my heart got smashed, there was a lot of this..

Me: Hey.. so you said you were going to call later last night but you didn’t.. let’s do something this evening!
Heartsmasher (4 hours later)*: I just got your text. I have somewhere to be in an hour, but what did you have in mind?
Me: Oh! Nevermind, maybe we could get coffee tomorrow before church.
Heartsmasher: Maybe. I’m supposed to meet a friend for coffee, I haven’t seen her in awhile.
Me: Don’t even worry about it.. have coffee with your friend, maybe after church
AFTER CHURCH
Me: Would you like to go to a movie?
Heartsmasher: No. I am in a weird mood.
Me: That’s totally fine. I’ll see you when I’m back next weekend.

90% of anything coming from my end was a lie. By the second text message exchange, I was all sorts of messed up/freaked out/paranoid/scared/crazy. Instead of being vulnerable and honest and admitting when things bother me or hurt me, I try my best to portray what I think is what everyone wants in a friend: casual, laid-back, non-confrontational, and fine with last minute changes.

That’s not me. At all. If you are five minutes late, I have already spent five minutes thinking you hate me and decided not to hang out with me. If the plans dramatically change, I get freaked out and want to go home and cry. I’m easily hurt by people but will rarely acknowledge it. THAT is me. and telling you about it still isn’t letting my guard down, because if you were to send me a message telling me that I am a pile of crap and my glasses are ugly and my nose is in fact as big as I suspect it is.. you’d either never get a response, or you’d get a response that was borderline apologetic. But deep down inside I’d be raging.

That was a bit self-indulgent, but there was a reason. Here is the reason.

I don’t like feeling things if the equation doesn’t work. The equation is like my safety. It’s my “Til St Patrick’s Day,” if you will (John Mayer reference). This is in all facets of life, not even just [romantic] relationships. If the equation doesn’t work, I form no bonds. This is great when shopping. Some people fall in love with a pair of $60 jeans.. and I never love jeans unless they are $20 or less. The equation works, so my love is safe. When feelings get involved, I tend to slowly inch towards learning to be vulnerable and let my guard down. There is nothing in the world I would love more than to be able to be like “YOU SAID LAST WEEK THAT WE WOULD GO TO THE ZOO THIS WEEK AND IT’S SATURDAY AND TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY OF NEXT WEEK.” and trust that the person I am saying that too won’t go “Woah, psycho… peace!” and walk out of my life. But I feel like inching towards that without the equation in place is setting myself up for disaster.. because when things don’t end well, it’s almost like my walls double in thickness. One tiny step forward, two giant steps backwards.

Right now I am all kinds of messed up, and I think I need to publicly declare it. The equation doesn’t work; the many variables involved don’t equal TL4E.. or even TL4N (true love 4 now!).. but somehow that’s not deterred my feelings. It’s stupid and it’s so dangerous and I don’t like it. It’s beyond my ability to understand, because I believe in mind over matter.

The matter is overpowering my mind, though. and now it’s messy.

Side note. You probably don’t know the person, and unless we have talked otherwise.. the person is not you. He knows who he is. I thought of putting a flirty winky there, but weighed my options and decided NO.

*I hope to one day rename everybody who has tortured a little piece of my heart into borderline superhero villian names.

Polyvore.

Today I discovered polyvore.com … hello countless hours wasted away on the internet, goodbye social life!!

well that was fun. Anybody else?

I met a cute boy.

This past weekend I had the great fortune of chaperoning a group of girls at the Revolve Tour. The Revolve Tour is put on by the Women of Faith conference, but is geared towards teenage girls. Before leaving, I updated my Facebook status with a bit of a joke.

It was especially funny to read the comments of people who didn’t really understand what the Revolve Tour was and thought I was being serious.

All weekend long they kept talking about World Vision. As someone who is active in the kind of weird Christian sub-culture, I am no stranger to World Vision. In fact, I have gone to the tables filled with pictures of children and been overwhelmed by how many individual lives I was looking at. Suddenly it wasn’t just “the AIDS crisis” or “kids with nothing” but they had faces. Usually I walk away feeling sick inside of me, feeling the weight of the world.

This weekend was different. I walked up, again with that morbid curiosity we get that makes us look at the car accident on the side of the road. But as I stood a few people away from the line, a lady walked up to me and asked if I had any questions. and suddenly she was asking if I had any preference, so I said no. As she walked away, the Spirit stirred in my heart and I knew that I needed to pick an only child. The life of an only child lived in stressful situations can be very lonely and devastating. ‘Okay,’ I decided silently. ‘if I find an only child, I will sponsor them.’ She brought me a stack of kids born in September. As I was looking through them, the Spirit again stirred in me and I knew I needed to look for a child in the Philippines. My family is there, and I’ve been twice. I have given all of my money to children selling necklaces, and experienced the heartache of having no more money but the kids kept coming. With my own eyes I have seen the shanti villages and the simple living in my late great-grandmother’s village. It’s real to me.

She brought me five or six kids from the Philippines. With a heavy heart I said to her “I feel like I can’t choose one, because I don’t want to say ‘this one is important to me, but you other ones are not.’” How in the world I could choose between these boys was beyond me. Then I realized there was a little paragraph about each child, so I started to read them all. A couple children in, there was a boy whose birthday is next week. He’ll be seven.  I read “Yves Saint Anthony lives with his parents and has no brothers or sisters.”

Excitedly, I held out the folder and declared “I choose him!” and nothing else mattered. There were hundreds and hundreds of kids pictures on the table and in boxes, dozens of people surrounding the table, and all that I knew was that the Lord directed me to this little boy.

So everybody. I went to the Revolve Tour and I met a very cute boy. His name is Yves and he is almost seven.

#truthursday on Friday.

This is a quickie. I’m currently trying to do laundry/clean a little/respond to e-mails all before I leave for the Girl Guard retreat/Revolve Tour.

Truth – I am very timid about walking through automatic doors.

I think it’s the automatic doors always open when you get close. It makes sense, but it always makes me nervous. I’d rather them open when I am about 8 feet away, so I can continue walking without having to change the speed of my stride.

It’s a big fear of mine that if I were to ever stop being so timid about it, I’d end up walking straight into a door that was broken or wasn’t actually an automatic door.

Instead, I slow down to a near stop as the automatic door approaches despite it’s “keep moving” instructions.

Surely I cannot be the only one who does this…