Truth: I frequently feel lost in life.
Once, years ago, I wrote these words down:
I’m not alone, but I sure am lonely.
Though it’s cold, I’ve got the sun on my face.
If everyone says that I belong here,
then how come I feel so out of place?
I’m able to see tons of blessings all over my life, but some days I feel so lost. What do I want to accomplish with my life? What kind of job should I get, who should I really pursue friendships with.
The worst part about it is that most of my uncertainty comes from standards other people put on me, and my desire to live up to what people think I should do or who people think I should be.
If I were to say “draw me a picture,” you will most likely ask more questions to figure out what exactly I want drawn, or you’ll just assume I’ve given you the freedom to draw whatever’s on your heart or mind. I’m right there. God’s called me to live for him, and I’ve asked questions, but am realizing I might just have to start drawing.
But then imagine that you started drawing, assuming that you had free will, and then someone came in and leaned over your shoulder and made tsk-ing noises. It would be hard to not change your drawing based on that loud opinion in your ear.
That’s me. and I’m so lost. Today I feel a little lost, and I think that what frustrates me is that I am so incredibly happy and full of joy. So this twinge of uncertainty and nervousness really stings, because it is so out of place.
I like to think about where I was five years ago, and remind myself that in five years, this moment will be five years behind me.. and who knows where I’ll be then.