Just last night I was telling Austin about how I have so many Facebook friends but rarely spend time with any of them. For whatever reason, my seeing most people in my life is really inconsistent. Because there are so many people I know, I can easily be around people all of the time.. but rarely the same people consistently.
A few days ago my mom asked about my friend Nicole, whom I haven’t seen in awhile. We have occasional, brief chats when we catch each other online.. but that’s been awhile. So in light of last night’s heavy heart, I decided to hit her up on Facebook to see if she would be up for hanging out.
Except as I sat there, scrolling down her wall and reading the comments from the past week, I was completely shocked.
Nicole passed away last Sunday, and I found out too late to even attend her memorial.
How many more people in my life are there like that, whom I have been meaning to catch up with but never have the time or make the time? The problem with convenience is that it makes us lazy. I hate to admit this, but I can’t write about this genuinely if I don’t: I am incredibly lazy with my friendships.
That problem I was telling Austin about, how there are so many people in my life I don’t know… it’s largely my fault. So many text messages and e-mails go unanswered, so many phone calls unreturned. So many offers to hang out haven’t been taken up because of busyness or more importance being placed on someone/something else.
My heart is broken. For Nicole’s family and her friends, and for all of the people who are the victims of the convenience of technology. and I could never accurately express the sincerity of the apology I have to offer Nicole, one that she will never get to hear, for always assuming there’d be another time, another day, another quick chat.
I am so sorry.