This post is not a pity party. Now that we have that out of the way..
I woke up this morning, ready to take on the day. Two hours later, I realized that all I’d accomplished was sitting on the floor of my bathroom, staring at my shower curtain.
When I finally left my bathroom and walked downstairs, I wondered why it took me so long to do something. That got me thinking about how often I want to accomplish things but never get around to it.
As I wandered aimlessly around my house, frustrated at my lack of motivation to do anything it hit me like a ton of bricks. I know that I am clinically depressed. A few years ago when I was in therapy and on meds for my OCD, they put me on anti-depressants and talked to me about how OCD frequently comes with depression. And I know that depression isn’t just feeling sad all the time, but also includes feeling lethargic and unmotivated.
I grabbed a box of cereal to pour an easy lunch when it hit me that I had the power to push myself out of it. Instead I grabbed some bread and a can of tuna fish and made myself a tuna fish sandwich. Which is still an easy lunch, but took more work than the cereal.
All day I have been thinking about this; depression is a huge part of my life. I am aware of the triggers that back me into my nice neat, germ-free, thrice washed OCD corner. If I want to be able to have that same sort of mild success with this other aspect of my life, I need to push myself. So today, I am going to.
First things first: posting a blog.
Second things second: taking a shower.
Third things third: cleaning my bathroom.
Fourth things fourth: doing my laundry.
Fifth things fifth: unpacking.
Sixth things sixth: buying a scrapbook.
Six things to do. It’s four pm. I’ve got this.
I know and recognize that the next two weeks hold the power to get me to sink down really low into these things, with my lack of purpose and days full of nothing. Every day I am going to make and tackle a list of things to do, with at least five things on them. We’ll see.
What a day….. what a day.