Happy midnight! Time for Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris jokes. Ready… go.

  • Chuck Norris once made a snowman out of rain.
  • Chuck Norris didn’t say no to drugs. Drugs said no to Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris does not get wet when he jumps in water. Water gets Chuck Norrised.
  • Chuck Norris has a MySpace account on Facebook.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice.
  • When the boogeyman goes to sleep, every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.
  • Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  • If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
  • Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
  • If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space, who would win? Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris eats Transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed.
  • Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
  • Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT’s simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • The Japanese aren’t afraid of a 300 foot tall monster. “Godzilla” is Japanese for Chuck Norris.
  • The answer to pi is 3.14159….chuck norris.
  • Chuck Norris is the only person to win an Olympic Gold Medal in swimming without ever getting wet.
  • What is Chuck Norris’s name backwards? sirron kcuhc, and if you say it three times in a row Chuck Norris’s foot will appear and kick you in the crotch.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t go out to dinner. Dinner goes out to Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris has been known to solve the rubics cube in 5.5. seconds by simply staring at it and 3.5 seconds by repeatedly roundhouse kicking it.
  • The earth doesn’t revolve around the sun it revolves around Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris actually died 9 years ago, the Grim Reaper just doesn’t have the courage to tell him.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t go inside for shelter when it storms, the storm hides outside from Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use the internet. He has already read it.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t shower the dirt just jumps off in fear.
  • Chuck Norris once ate a bowl of nails for breakfast… without any milk.
  • Black holes are where Chuck Norris divided by zero.
  • Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.
  • Chuck Norris once blew a bubble with beef jerky.
  • Chuck Norris can beat Connect Four in 3 moves.
  • Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
  • Matter isn’t made p of Atoms, it is made up of Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris does not cut his grass he just goes outside and dares it to grow.
  • Chuck Norris invented the period because he likes to end things.
  • If Chuck Norris were blind, he could still see.
  • When Chuck Norris looks into a mirror there is no reflection because there can only be one Chuck Norris.
  • Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
  • Chuck Norris’s phone number is 911.
  • Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris is bitten by a vampire, Chuck Norris does not turn into a vampire. A vampire turns into Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris eats his soup with a fork.
  • The hippo in the lake is really Chuck Norris.
  • Luckily Chuck Norris doesn’t know about me posting these jokes on my website or he would have deleted the internet.

Those are the best, most appropriate ones I found. You are welcome. It took me one hour exactly to compile this list.

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