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#truthursday – I know who I am.
I’ve been having an identity crisis as a child of God. That’s all I can say to sum up the past four days. It’s been tough. Yesterday, I wrote in my journal that I accomplished two big tasks. The first was pulling myself off the floor where I was crying. The second was walking out of the door and getting to Starbucks. Then, at Starbucks, I spent two hours facing the reality that I am slightly obnoxious; I laugh too loud, I am pushy, I have no problem messaging people who never respond, I don’t get hints about people not wanting to be my friend.. the list could go on and on.
As I was telling Hannah last night, I also shared what I believed was the cause of this. My current not speaking to God situation. How can I expect to go through an identity crisis and survive when I am ignoring the one who gives me my identity, my value, my worth?
Today I was thinking about this and I ran face on into God. I won’t share all of the details, but it had a lot to do with the kind of person I absolutely am NOT, and how sometimes it takes a lot of faith to be a person of integrity, someone who will not compromise beliefs or values or convictions for anything. so as I stood there, I allowed myself to be realigned under the Lord and his will for me. I said “God, I believe you are for me.” and that was that. Nothing really changed situationally, but suddenly everything was alright.
Then I found myself walking down the street where I saw a lady standing with her dog. I told her I liked her dog, and that lead to a long conversation about what she’s been through and where she’s at and the struggles she’s facing. she told me she had gotten kicked out for trying to get money to get something to eat. So I gave her $4, which I had been really excited to have because I don’t really have money. As I stood and listened to her story and stopped to pet Gunner, her dog, I realized at that moment that I finally know who I am.
So now I am back at Starbucks, the one in downtown Covina on the corner of Citrus and College (I love this one) and I am basking in the benefits of being a child of the King. One of those being that I know who I am. Everybody, meet me.
* I love the color pink, and I’m okay with the implications that it makes me immature/childish/foolish *
* I like to talk to strangers, and I like to stay in touch with strangers, making them friends *
* I believe in tipping well, regardless of the service. That is, to me, a beautiful display of grace *
* Unless people specifically tell me they do not want to communicate with me, I will continue to reach out to anybody I want to. My love for others can’t be dependent on their responses *
* I laugh hard and loud and I cry the same way, just as frequently. It keeps me balanced and well *
* Discovering my identity as an older sister in the last few years has changed my life and has forced me to constantly evaluate everything I do and how it will affect Emily. I’m a better person because of it *
* I do not love money and would rather do the right thing for a small amount of money than do the wrong thing for a large amount of money *
* Kids are the best. I joke about not liking kids, but the reality is that I love them. I don’t know of many grown ups who will go on dinosaur hunts or spy missions with me. I’d say that I also don’t know of many grown ups who will play creative dress up with me, but that’s a lie because this summer I definitely made a paper tablecover princess dress for Ian… *
* I can amuse myself. for hours. and never get bored. If you lived in my head, you’d understand why *
So anyway. That was a whole bunch of truths in my #truthursday.