Things I blame for my sudden change of heart:
- Taylor Swift songs
- anniversary cards at the store
- Taylor Swift greeting cards at the store
- bridal magazines
- “Just the Way You Are” – Bruno Mars
- traveling. I love it, but it can be lonely.
This past week, I keep reminding myself that I believe in true love now.. usually I remind myself when I’m going to the bathroom, because it’s the time my brain processes the highest quantity of vulnerable thoughts. Unfortunately, somewhere inside of me I began to think that my believing in love meant that the world around me would cater to this.
In the past week, nobody has confessed their undying love to me. No secret admirer notes. No reason to like CG more. No cute boy next to me on the airplane. Nothing. Life goes on the same as before I confessed. Suddenly, though, I feel fragile. Now I feel like I have shatterable dreams and a breakable heart. Madeleine L’Engle says that loving people makes us vulnerable, and I wonder if pre-emptively loving someone, which is what I believe waiting for true love is, makes us a special kind of vulnerable.
The good news is that the side affect of my confession of belief in true love is that I feel happier. My life feels a little more free and a little fancier.
I began writing this because I couldn’t sleep, and now I am tired.