Lent: Days 6-11.

I’ve been reading my Bible a lot {more than I usually do…}. Right now I’m in 1 Kings, and I feel like I am meeting God for the first time in my life. Hear me out. I spend a lot of time talking about God, listening about God, surrounding myself with God-talk, if you will. But I’ve never spent much time reading about God in the Bible. I kind of bounce between complete horror and total awe. There are moments where I want to slam my Bible on the table out of frustration and lack of understanding, and then there are moments I want to curl up in the fetal position on the floor and pretend God is going to come down and hold me.

In the book I’m {slowly} reading, The Liturgical Year, it talks about Holy Saturday, a day we rarely observe in the Christian church. The day between Good Friday and Easter. The day hope was gone. A very dark day indeed. Maybe even worse than Good Friday, because on Saturday tons of people woke up and had to face the realization that the day before had actually happened. But I guess we can talk more about that on Holy Saturday. Yesterday I read these words by Joan Chittister:

It is now, when we feel the absence of Jesus most keenly, that we can find ourselves listening to Him most intensely. All of a sudden we are totally immersed in what He has come to be to us. Now we see just exactly how much His life and words mean to us. We begin to realize that we have already been changed by it. What can we possibly do without it?

That is exactly how I feel about reading the Old Testament. It’s easy to buy into the idea that it’s out dated and old and not relevant to us, since Christ came and brought us a new covenant, a new way to be with God. But as I read the Old Testament and see so much of the way things were before Christ, I grow to love him more and more with each page I turn.

Remember how I was wrestling with the idea of God doing what “is good” in his eyes? It keeps coming up. “…The LORD will do what is good in his sight” {2 Sam. 10:12} and “As for God, his way is perfect” {2 Sam 22:13}. I’m trying to understand that, to believe – and most importantly to trust – that from God comes what is good, and what he does is perfect regardless of how I feel towards it. and he even loves me enough to do what is perfect knowing it will cause me pain for awhile. Don’t we do the same, allowing people we love to “learn the hard way” because we know you can’t learn any other way? I’ve spent a lot of time working with teenage girls in my life, and I will tell you that at some point you have to stop talking and let them fall on their face because sometimes that’s the most effective way to get through to them.

So anyway. There’s that. I’ve had a very tired, emotional week and there’s nothing much to say that is of any worth or will be of any benefit to anyone.

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2 thoughts on “Lent: Days 6-11.

  1. I often feel like your first paragraph. The whole of it, the strange (and awkward) vacillation between “Awesome! and “C’mon, God.” Sometimes the Bible makes me angry, because I get overly concerned with this idea of “fairness. There’s a lot happening in the Bible that isn’t really “fair.” Sometimes I feel like Jonah running away from God even though when I read about HIM I’m all like: “…really? You think THAT’S going to work? You’re just going to sail away FROM GOD? For reals?” But I totally get how he feels: it’s confusing to try to figure out what God wants for us, but it’s also confusing when it isn’t what WE want for us. And I think I spend a lot of my time with God trying to get Him on MY page instead of me on HIS page.

    It sounds like I need to get back in the OT. And pick up The Liturgical Year.

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